Cinderella (1977)

Cinderella from 1977 was among the first Charles Band productions, and leaned heavily into the erotic musical trend of the 1970s. Starring Cheryl “Rainbeaux” Smith and members of the L.A. Knockers as the stepmother and stepsisters, as well as a young Sy Richardson, it was a glorious musical fun-fest of sleeze and cheese. While the music in the next Band erotic musical (Fairy Tales) would be processed better into the vignettes, Cinderella is a more cohesive musical tale as a singlular, recognizable storyline.

Cast

Sy Richardson

Fairy Godmother

Kirk Scott

Lord Chamberlain

Marilyn Corwin

Marbella

Buckley Norris

King

Bobby Herbeck

Court Jester

Synopsis

I have included scenes cut from the Amazon Prime version of the film. I do not know which version of the film it was cut from (US, UK, German, etc), but it makes TV cuts for content in the 80s and 90s seem tame in comparison. For relevance, I have included scenes cut from the Prime version in []’s and in bold.

[The Prince sings “My Kingdom Won’t Come” while surrounded by nude women dancing and attempting to pull him into an orgiastic embrace. His tone is bored and uninterested as he goes through the motions in boredom. The girls, however, try even harder the more bored he becomes. In the end, as the women pounce on the Prince and the Jester, the Jester “hee-hee’s” as he is pulled into naked girl flesh.]

That section shows what is cut from the Amazon Prime version of the movie: a whole number.

Songs

“Cinderella” – Cinderella

[“My Kingdom Won’t Come” – The Prince]

“Do It to Me” – Drucella, Marbella

“The Royal Ball” – Lord Chamberlain

“You Gotta Grab It” – Fairy Godmother, Cinderella

[“It’s so Hard to Find a Man” – Evil Stepmother]

“Snapper” – The King, The Queen, Lord Chamberlain, Chorus

“Finale” – Chorus

Cinderella’s stepsisters berate her and remove their clothing for her to wash before retreating to their bedroom. Cinderella starts singing “Cinderella” while cleaning and then seating herself at a spinning wheel. Her blouse drops below her breasts as she sings and spins the wheel. Up in the sisters’ room, corn cobs attached to wires are spinning maniacally as Cinderella turns the wheel. [The sisters take the spinning cobs and get under the blankets to masturbate as they yell for her to spin faster or slower.]

[At the castle, the Prince is being seduced by a bevy of naked young women. He is bored of their seduction and trivial sex as he avoids them and sings “My Kingdom Won’t Come” while bored out of his mind. Finally, the women wrestle him to the floor, catching the jester in the mix as he yells out, “whoo-hoo!” before disappearing into a pulsating pile of girl flesh.]

In the King’s chamber, he is enjoying a bit of morning wood before the queen and her topless subjects enter his chamber to discuss their son’s melancholy. They decide he needs to find a bride and decide to hold a royal ball. They decide to send the Lord Chamberlain to invite all of the women in the kingdom to the ball.

He heads out and finds the Trapper’s daughters making out in the woods. He sees them fondling each other and rides up to them. He asks where their father is, and they tell him he is out hunting beavers. “Beavers?” he asks. [One of the daughters points her thumbs at her glorious wild 1970s pubic bush and says, “this beaver.”] He has them put their beaver and bush together. [They fondle each other and he falls down in embarrassment and desire.] Their father walks up and asks what Lord Chamberlain is doing with his birds. The Lord gives him the invitation as the daughters fall to the ground laughing with their father.

At Cinderella’s house, the Step Sisters are in their room, singing “Do It To Me.” It is sad that the members of the talented dance group the LA Knockers weren’t given better material to work with. Other than “It’s So Hard to Find a Man,” this is hands down the worst song in the bunch.

Outside the castle, onlookers read about the royal ball and comment that they want to go.

In another part of the kingdom, the Lord Chamberlain is up to his old antics again. He ends up at the farmer’s house, but he is currently away. The farmer’s daughters invite him in to wait. They implore him to know why he needs to see their father, but he does not answer. As they implore him, their blouses fall down around their breasts, as often happens in such situations. He cuts off his fingers instead of coring an apple, making a rather silly face to ensure everyone knows it is a silly gag at his awkwardness. He fondles them happily.

[The daughters kiss, undress, and make out while he watches. Then the invite him into their lovemaking session and he has sex with them.]

The farmer comes home and Lord Chamberlain gives him the invitation to the royal ball for his daughters to attend. They realize his ruse and are unhappy with him, but the deed has already been done.

The Lord Chamberlain makes his way to Cinderella’s house in time to catch everyone there for dinner. He invites the girls to the royal ball by singing “The Royal Ball.” He gives Cinderella an invitation before he leaves. The step sisters take it away and the step mother burns it in the fireplace. The stepsisters pretend to help Cinderella get ready but end up dumping trash and fireplace ash on her before leaving. [They strip her naked and rub oil and garbage all over her body, something that is not seen in the Amazon Prime version.] She falls into a fitful sleep where she dreams of being chased by a nasty man and the step sisters. The man grabs her and rapes her in her dream.

As Cinderella dreams, a young, black gay thief evades the night watch by sneaking into Cinderella’s house. Cinderella wakes up and sees him. He claims to be her fairy godmother, and tells her to go upstairs and take a bath as he burgles the place. They sing “You Gotta Grab It” while she bathes in probably the single best nudity scene in the film, and this one is actually included in the Amazon Prime cut, most likely because it would have massacred the song to try to edit much of it out. Which is probably why they made the executive decision to cut the entirety of the Prince’s song in the beginning.

Cinderella comes downstairs, ready to talk to her fairy godmother. Taking pity on the poor girl, the Fairy Godmother picks up a wand from a previous burglary. It turns out that it is a working magic wand. He unburns the invitation and magics Cinderella a dress. They go outside and, I kid you not, he decides to create a carriage out of a watermelon. Alakazam! He puts Cinderella in the carriage, but before closing the door, he casts a spell on her va-jay-jay to turn it into a “snapping pussy.” He warns that the magic will wear off by midnight. If you, like most Cinderella skeptics, wonder why the magic wears off on everything at midnight except the slipper, er, snapping pussy, you can join the discussion at the grimconspiracytales discord. [The camera lingers on Cinderella’s nether regions as the wand does its magic.] The Fairy Godmother takes the reigns and magics himself a 40oz malt liquor much to his disgust. They head to the royal ball.

The Swedish Ambassador is worried his sex-starved wife will embarass him at the party. He chastises her and tells her not to embarrass him as she fondles the horseman before getting into the carriage to go to the ball. Each time they hit a bump, she starts to have an orgasm until she groped the Swedish Ambassador and they begin having sex. Strangely nothing is seen in this scene…and it makes little sense as to why it is even included in the movie. It is as if the producer or director promised the actors they could be in a scene and this was the one. Kind of like the nonsensical out-of-nowhere ninja attack in Pieces (1980).

They arrive at the castle and the Fairy Godmother begins burgling the various crown jewels as Cinderella goes to the ball. The guests dance in various states of undress. One of the more fun segments begins with a “proper” medieval social dance which devolves into a strange disco version of the same dance. Then the Prince sees Cinderella and goes up to her.

The Amazon Prime version cut this gag a bit since they edited out a couple of the repeititons of it. The Prince makes a big deal about wanting to know her name, only to cut her off before she can tell him. This happens a couple of times and is actually a small but funny bit. But in the Amazon Prime cut, it loses what small bit of joy it had since it is a throw-away comment.

They dance. During the dance, the Step Mother tries to seduce the Lord Camberlain while the Queen gets it on with a servant. [Others make out around the room. The Step Mother sings “It’s So Hard to Find a Man.” (This is cut from most versions of the movie).]

In the Prince’s quarters, they play a game of “buttgammon” which consists of a jester-esque dancer (Russell Clark, the choreographer for Xanadu (1980)) spinning around and pointing at a random woman. She then would go in and have sex with the Prince. Usually he would be bored and she would come back to the group disappointed. [In the longer cuts, there is more to the soft-core scenes, with more nudity and sex. This is missing from the Amazon Prime version.]

Cinderella comes in and is chosen. She goes in and mounts the Prince. Suddenly he is alive because her snapping pussy works its magic on his royal penis. He cries out in joy and the king, watching through a peephole, declares joy at finding a snapping pussy! The song “Snapper” begins. The clock begins chiming so the Fairy Godmother grabs Cinderella out of the Prince’s bed and through the halls and out of the castle.

The next day, the Prince goes travelling throughout the kingdom to have sex with all of the women to find the Snapper he has fallen in love with. He has sex with the Farmer’s daughter, but no snapper. Her disappointment is hilarious.

Tired from a day of non-stop sex, he is exhausted when they finally get to Cinderella’s house. The stepsisters fight over who will have sex with him, but Cinderella mounts him in his exhaustion and her snapper does its royal duty once again. They flounder about wildly and he takes her away from the horrid house.

On the way back to the castle, they pass an execution. The Fairy Godmother is about to be beheaded for stealing the crown jewels. Cinderella stops the execution and tells the Prince it was the Fairy Godmother who gifted her with the snapper, and if he dies, the snapper magic dies with him. The Prince tells them to let him free, and the Fairy Godmother jumps on the back of the carriage as the Prince and Cinderella undress inside and begin to have sex.

In a 1977 Marvel post-credits scene, there is a dire warning that Cinderella 2 will be coming in the future. Strangely, this is not present in cuts other than the one licensed by Amazon.